Handling Disappointment: Hitting That Wall and Breaking It Down

While training caregivers on problem-solving, I have noticed a common issue that haunts all caregivers, no matter how different each situation may be...and that issue is disappointment...with a capital "D." Anyone out there nodding their heads yet? Our emotional and spiritual beings become tattered, torn and sometimes ripped apart because we become overwhelmed by disappointment...whether it lies in our spouses's condition not improving at the rate we expected, our loved one is not willing fighting our efforts to care for him/her, or we are struggling with communication between leadership, legal issues, and healthcare providers.

From both personal experience as a military spouse and from my work with military families, I find that disappointment usually weighs upon us so heavily due to a gap between our expectations and the reality of our current situation. Does this mean that the way we are being treated is always fair? Most certainly not. But are we really being completely honest with ourselves all the time when is comes to our expectations? Probably not. It's only human.

One of the first things I coach my caregivers on when we get started with the problem-solving training is to set realistic expectations for the situation. Conditions can get better, but not on our schedule...we have to be flexible as caregivers. Accepting the "new norm" and moving on from there is pretty much the only choice many of us have with our loved one's conditions. Trying to drag the past by it's toenails into the present will make you hit that wall of disappointment quicker than you can say "Ow!"

So, that having been said, how do we handle our disappointment? It is inevitable, we all face it at some point. What are we going to do about it?  Here are three questions you can ask yourself when you feel disappointment setting in...

1. What do I need to learn? In other words, could you be approaching the situation from the wrong angle? Is my spouse trying to teach me something about myself or about his/her needs that I'm not understanding right now?

2. Could it be that I'm so concerned with what I don't have, that I've forgotten to be thankful for what I do have? Keep a blessings journal, be thankful for the sun shining outside, give praise for your children's good health. You're alive and your spouse is alive! Find something positive each day to be happy about!

3. Is there something I can do to change this situation? Maybe you're at the point where you need to look into respite care, or go to a workshop to educate yourself on a particular caregiving issue. Perhaps you simply need some time to yourself to gather your thoughts, breathe, exhale, pitch a hissy fit, and return to the situation with a better, more calm perspective.

Together, we can turn disappointments into opportunities for growth and learning! Imagine that! It doesn't always have to lead to crying ourselves to sleep at night, or throwing in the towel. We can close the gap between our unrealistic expectations and our realities by setting smaller, more reachable goals rather than shooting for the moon.  Don't be scared to look outside the box for new alternatives and solutions to your problems. I am here to help as well if you need me :) I hope you all have a wonderful day, and grab those disappointments by the cohones! Show them who's boss!

Let's Get this Caregiving Party Started!

Hello all caregivers of wounded warriors, including both active duty and retired veterans! I am attempting to get our first blog up and running for the Wounded Warrior Family Caregiving Program, and would love to recruit a few followers! There are some topics that simply are too detailed to discuss on our Facebook page, and would love to invite those who have questions and topics they would like address to get this blog party rolling!

Our program offers problem-solving training and customized stress management for those who are currently taking care of a wounded warrior, whether he/she be active duty or retired...from any branch...with any disability such as PTSD, TBI, burns, etc. Being a caregiver is a full-time job on top of being a mother, wife, and working another job outside of the home.

Please feel free to spread the word about our new blog...and I would love to take suggestions for a new name :)  You all, as caregivers, have ownership with your voices and a say so in what you'd like for the the blog to be called ;)

I look forward to hearing your ideas and suggestions!