Friday, September 13, 2013

A New Chapter Awaits! Okay, Maybe Just A New Page

"A new chapter awaits!" 

How many times do we hear those words of "encouragement"? How do they make you feel when you hear them? Excited? Anxious? Nervous?

If I were to be quite honest (I always value honesty), I go through a mixture of emotions whenever someone gives me that reassuring hug with these words attached. For me, starting over is much like sitting at the top of the first hill on roller coaster. But not just any roller coaster...one that twists, turns, and plummets, throwing in one surprise after the next.

Many of us as both women and caregivers experience a series of emotions whenever we are having to start fresh. While some of may rise like the mythical phoenix from the ashes of a past life, spreading our wings to fly confidently into the new horizon, the rest of us may be simply crawling out of the remaining rubble, grateful enough to still have clothes on our backs and bread to eat.

And wine. I fall into that category of women who just want that perfect glass (okay, maybe a bottle) of wine to help me turn the next page.

Whatever type of survivor you may be, there is still that "next chapter" or the next page that lies ahead of you....just waiting to be discovered, navigated, and conquered. What will you choose to do with it? You've gotten this far, therefore you owe it to yourself to make this next ride better than the last. In order to do that, there a few things that you should know (but you're so awesome you're probably one step ahead of me).

1. Family and friends all mean well, they really do. But they aren't YOU. Take all advice with a grain of salt. Some of it may be great...some of it not so great. Respond to all advice given with a simple "Thank you for caring. I'll think about that", and it's a win-win situation. Only YOU can decide what the next step will be, and what can make you truly happy. Let your friends and family know that you are appreciative of their advice, but remember that you don't necessarily have to take it.

2. Trust your gut. It knows you best. Two years ago, I started taking classes for an online degree that I thought would promise me an exciting new career. And with my full-time job, the online option seemed too good to be true. I happily bought all my required textbooks, and set up my online accounts. Something kept nagging at me, like a little whisper that questioned my actions. "Is this really for you, Mandy? Are you really disciplined enough to take online classes?" Sure! I told myself. Boy, was I in big denial. Two courses into my fabulous new degree, I sheepishly had to admit to my husband that it wasn't working for me. I didn't want to be a quitter, so I trucked through another two courses the next semester. I wasn't enjoying myself. Something was wrong. Then it hit me. I yearned to be in an actual classroom, talking to real people, engaging in discussion and feedback from my classmates and the professor. Lesson learned. My gut had tried to tell me all along that I was going against my true nature. Trust it!

3. Make mistakes. Lots of them. Get lots of "no's" from people too. Really, it's okay...and encouraged. Learning from our mistakes makes us stronger, and hearing the "no's" when we thought we'd hear "yes" also enables us to understand that it's not always personal. It helps us to grow a thicker skin and work on our skills that we thought were perfect. Learn to take constructive criticism with open arms rather than an "Oh, no she didn't!" attitude.

4. Make time for yourself. Feed into at least one of your passions consistently. This is one of the most difficult things for caregivers to do. With crazy schedules, a serious lack of that mythical concept known as "free time", and a depletion of energy we often wonder how we even made it through the day with the kids, husband, and pets still alive and functioning (at least somewhat). Carving that little bit of time out for yourself each week is crucial to maintaining the spirit and energy you need to take care of others. Are you a Pinterest queen? Then pick one small project you can accomplish within two weeks time, working on it for 10-15 minutes on it each day. But make sure to see it as something you'll enjoy doing, not a task.

5. Be imperfect. You know those women who always seem to have it together? You see them dropping off their children at school, the ones with the really cute handbags and perfect hair. They drive a super shiny, just off the factory line vehicle that is mostly likely cleaner than your kitchen table on the inside. Whenever you see them you just want to rock their little supposedly perfect world with the key to your scrappy mini van against the side of their Audi. (Did I say that out loud?)  Well, I don't even know where the last purse I used is located. And my hair...well, let's not even go there. But you know, I have learned to laugh at my not so perfect self. In fact, I am sitting at my desk right now typing with the lingering odor of spit up that my sweet little girl left on my new blouse (on sale at Old Navy). And it's okay. I may have even used a tampon to soak up a small pond of spilled coffee inside my care earlier this morning as well.  Celebrate your quirks and wave your freak flag. Just do your THANG, girl! Because it's the REAL you that will get you where you need to go.

Starting over isn't easy, but it's not the end of the world. And if it is, then at least you can count on me to share that last glass (okay, bottle) of wine with you :)