The Humble Homefront

Her tired hands are soaked in soapy water, going through the motions of washing a pile of dishes that never seems to end. She can barely keep her eyes open, but she knows there will be several more hours ahead until she can attempt to fall asleep. More than likely, she will get very little sleep. Just like the night before…and the night before that. The kids still need to eat dinner, finish their homework, and get their baths done until negotiations for bedtime will come. She has to make sure that her youngest child has her own time to wind down and follows a specific routine or she will get very upset, having been diagnosed with Autism at the age of four.

Plastered across the refrigerator space, there is hardly any room for colorful drawings or family photos because of all the different schedules that have now become the blueprints for their new life. Appointments with the TBI doctor, the husband’s therapist, the children’s therapist, the VA clinic, and the Autism support group are all color coded so that the children know what to expect this week.  The woman looks at the refrigerator with her tired eyes, and feels a tug in her chest knowing that soon she will have to tell her son that he can no longer go to his guitar lessons because she can no longer afford to pay for them.

Suddenly, she hears the familiar sound of a truck door slamming shut, and anxiety increases the tightness in her chest. Her heart rate quickens, and her fatigued muscles are now tense with expectation. What kind of mood will he be in today? Now, she can hear the back door to the mud room slamming shut and a curse of impatience from her husband as he trips across her daughter’s tennis shoes, left haphazardly thrown in the doorway when she came home from school. 

The children all run eagerly into the kitchen, excited to tell their father what they did at school that day, who said what, and asking when he can play outside with them. Rather than greeting his children with a big smile and open arms, he rubs his face in agitation and pushes them aside. The children are hurt, but know that their Daddy must need his quiet time. It’s best just to leave him alone, but they can’t help but wonder when their Daddy will be better again. All they know is that their father went away for a while, and came back a different Daddy…a Daddy that doesn’t want to play with them anymore and yells at them when they get too noisy. The old Daddy loved to go out on family trips and have fun, but now he takes lots of naps and says everything is too loud or too bright. 

The woman at the kitchen sink fights back her tears, thinking of how her husband used to kiss her when he came home every day, and how he would stay up talking with her at night about the children, laughing over funny memories. Now, the man that returned is more like an empty shell of a person…an angry roommate rather than a husband or father.  She wants to help him so badly, but doesn’t know what to do. Her family and friends all mean well, but they just don’t understand what she is going through…and she feels guilty about asking for help. She knows that something needs to change, but doesn’t know how to make it happen.

This is an example of the daily life of some military caregivers. Across the United States, we currently have 275,000-1,000,000 military caregivers. But what is a military caregiver? According to a recent  RAND survey, a military caregiver is a family member, friend, or other acquaintance who provides a broad range of care and assistance for, or manages the care of, a current or former military service member with a disabling injury (physical or mental) that was incurred during military service. The culture of military caregiving is unique because these caregivers are dealing with multiple and severe injuries or illnesses, a very complex system of care (VA/Tricare), and invisible wounds such as Post Traumatic Stress and Traumatic Brain Injury. What also sets them apart from other caregivers is that many of them provide around the clock care or feel as if they are “on call” 24/7, and will continue to provide a lifetime of care to their loved one.

Out of our service members deployed during Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom, at least 725,500 returned home with a Traumatic Brain Injury, PTSD, or depression. The families and spouses of these service members are stepping up to the plate and filling the dutiful role as caregiver before ever knowing what they are truly facing. The role of caregiving often affects every aspect of a military caregiver’s life. According to RAND, the roles and responsibilities of caregivers often take more time than holding a typical full or part-time job. In a survey of veteran caregivers by the National Alliance for Caregiving, approximately one-fifth provided more than 80 hours a week of care, and more than two-thirds (69%) provided more than 20 hours of care per week, leading some caregivers to experience a decline in their own health and well-being. As a result, some military caregivers have extensive needs, independent of the needs of their loved ones.

Military caregivers in particular suffer from mental health issues at rates greater than the non-caregiving population, with one study showing about two-thirds suffering from type of emotional stress. Unfortunately, resources for this group of caregivers are often challenging and limited. Military caregivers cope with the ongoing challenge of caregiving itself while sorting through a maze of policy structures, program opportunities, and well-wishers to meet both their own needs and the needs of their veteran. These efforts are not always successful. A large gap between caregiver needs and community resources have yet to be met. The RCI’s Operation Family Caregiver program seeks to help accommodate the needs of these caregivers and provide the training and tools necessary to help relieve their burden and stress.

Operation Family Caregiver provides free and confidential support via in-home sessions, Skype and telephone for military caregivers who want to be proactive in learning how to effectively identify and solve the problems they are having as a result of their loved one’s injuries. A program coach works one-on-one with the caregiver in a research-based, customized training approach that empowers the caregiver, allowing them to feel more confident and less stressed about taking care of the needs of their loved one.

Reaching out for help is a sign of strength! Call today to schedule a free assessment: (229) 931-2034.